Something I did not mention in my first post is that I am schizzoaffective, bipolar nos, and I have clinical depression. I was diagnosed with schizzoaffective in July of 2009. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was nine years old. Yes, it has been a long history for me.
I have tried starting a meditation practice. I am Buddhist and a Wiccan, so it is importent to me to have a meditation practice. It is also importent for my sanity. Meditation blocks something in the brain that causes pain, including painful emotions. It helps me deal with the clinical depression. It helps me overcome it. That and running helps.
I want to do more with my meditation practice. Getting pregnant, then having the child, and being bipolar and scizzoaffective is very difficult. The post partum can be terrible to handle. I want to get a handle on it now. That, the running and the other lifestyle changes I am currently making should help during that time.
In the mornings I am going to chant on my japa malas. My mantra is Om Shakti. In the evening I am going to sit for five to ten minutes to start off with. I will focus on my breathing. Gradually over time, I will work up to thirty minutes in the evening. Then, I will start a meditation practice three times a day.
I have been meditating before I go to sleep. I focus on my breath and then I am out. I would like to be more aware and not fall asleep. It seems counter productive to fall asleep.
So, starting tonight, I will focus on my breath for five to ten minutes while sitting up. Tomarrow, as soon as I get up I will chant on my japas malas. I will start doing this everyday.
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