I Want to Thank..

I want to pause a moment and thank all my friends who I keep in touch with on facebook for reading my blog. I want to thank my first follower too. Some of what I write is very monotonous. Some of it is the same topic over and over again. This blog is my creative outlet and a way for me to cope with the hardships that come with achieving a goal. You all keep returning to read it and I appreciate it. Thank you, all of you for sticking by me.

Self drop 8 pounds Day 3

All the chocolate is officially out of the house. I caved in last night and ate two nutty bars. Well, Rome was not built in a day. I am determined to start over and eat healthy today. Now, that there is less chocolate in the house I can finally concentrate on going completely vegan. Chocolate has milk solids in it. I can have cocoa powder. I can not have bars of chocolate. We have no cocoa powder in the house. I am unable to make vegan brownies.
I am fustrated with myself. Here I am. I have made this goal for myself. I am not achieving the standards I set for myself, though. It makes me upset at myself for not doing as I say I will do.
However, I am making more healthier choices in my diet. I have listed them in earlier entries. I need to lighten up a bit.
I am concentrating on slowly getting better at this over time. The drop eight pounds program can be a way for me to start a consistant food journal and start keeping track of how I eat. It can be a way for me to reform my diet over the next month. I am Ok with that. Becides, nobody said I had to go vegan in a couple of days.

I Need a Chocolate Intervention

I need an intervention. I need a intervention preventing me from diving into the chocolate. Or even the ice cream because Josh bought ice cream too. I am in deep touble here today because I am wanting to eat anything that is not good for me and that is not VEGAN. Well, I allready had chocolate today. However, it still affects the calories I have eaten today. I am trying to do anything becides indulge.
You know, I once had an ex boyfriend tell me that I was addicted to the medications I was taking. He told me I was no better then a drug addict. He obviously had never seen a bipolar patient go through mania. Well, I have never been addicted to drugs. Thank the Goddess. Instead, I am beginning to think I am addicted to chocolate and sugar. I am not joking. I just get these impulses to eat sweet foods. Not fruit. Just chocolate and pastries. I am not even hungry! I think I am a sugar addict.
Today I found myself googling sugar addiction. I believe there are such things as sugar addiction. I believe in it every time I walk down the street and see someone sipping sodas. I believe it every time I see the pepsi truck go by. I am one of the Americans who have got to kick the habit. Becides, excess sugar is not good for a pregnant woman.
I got to laugh, though. I am allready prepared for the pregnancy cravings. Pickles and ice cream and donuts. Actaully the craving I got in my last pregnancy was for BBQ chips on top of chocolate ice cream or chocolate merengue pie. Yes! I had the bizzare cravings. I wonder what the next pregnancy will be like? What cravings will I have then?
Well, on a more seriouse note, I am going to quit cold turkey. Even if I am not addicted I need to shake this. It is not going to be easy. I am going to have to find other things to do. I am going to have to snack on fresh fruit and vegetables to curb the cravings. I do not want to do it anymore. I want to go vegan, I want to lose weight and I want to have a healthy pregnancy. I am quitting the habit. I need to because the impulses to indulge are really strong.

The LBD

Two years ago I bought this little black dress that looked smashing on me. I am going to be honest. You would wear on a date and afterwards it was the type of dress to come off at his house. Josh has never seen me wear it because I weighed 125 when I first bought the dress. I took some pictures of it and posted them above to the blog.
I just pulled it out of a box I had it packed in. Goddess, it makes me feel nostalgic. It has hardly been worn.
You can not see much detail. However, I can describe it. It falls just above the knee. The shoes are damn well near stilletto height. The dress itself is made of  a lacey fabric. I used to wear it with thigh high stockings and a shrug around my shoulders. I looked smashing in it!
Hopefully, in the next six months, I might wear that dress again. The only reason I say that is because I know how quickly I used to lose weight when I would eat healthy and I exercise. It just falls off. I am talking twenty or thirty pounds in two months. No, it is not healthy by standards. There is nothig I can do about it because I eat and I do not over exercise. It just peels off. I do not know why.
Now, my metabolism might have slowed down because I am now twenty seven. We will see in the next two months. If my metabolism has not slowed down then in three months I will most likely be wearing the dress, stockings and heels.
If it does come off that quickly I could see a doctor. There is not much of a point because I have never been the type to starve myself. It just comes off. Then again, I could be pregnant. I think it will take six months or longer because I have been on depo. The harmones take that long to move completely out of your system. Beyond that it takes most couples over the age of twenty five six months to concieve. I am looking at close to eight months, if not longer, to concieve. That means I will be wearing the LBD (Little Black Dress) this winter.
If I am wrong, then so be it. Life happens all the time. Statistics and doctors have been wrong before about the depo shot. In know this because woman get pregnant on the shot constantly. Depo provera is not fool proof. Either way, I am eating the right types of food. I am eating the right amount of calories. I am exercising 'the right way.' I am over doing it.' If it peels off like it has in the past then I am not to be blamed. Even with all the chocolate I have been eating it will still probably come off.

I Feel Great!

It is only day two of eating healthier to get into good shape for my next pregnancy. All ready, I feel great. I feel like I have more energy and I feel less depressed. I wonder if my depression could have been in part caused by low blood sugar and not eating wholefully. If that is so then I hope I could eventually stop the anti depressants. Not today or tomarrow. In the future, some time. When my doctor thinks it is wise. I wanted to let everybody know that so that they do not think I am about to go off my medications. I have no intention of doing that
The only problem is my caloric intake. I am still eating too much. I am allready at the 1600 mark and it is still early in the day. What is going on is that I snack when I feel my blood sugar drop. It is not a huge snack. I am hungry frequently during the day. I know I am going to have to eat again!
If only I had not had the chocolate. May be my calories would be lower. The rub is that I like to snack on chocolate. That is what is making my blood sugar drop. The peanut butter and crackers did not do it. It was the sweets I ate today. I need to throw them out or eat them just to get rid of them. They are bad.
Of course, cutting out all chocolate and deserts is pretty much impossible. I just hope I still lose weight with the vegan foods I am incorporating into my diet and the exercise. I do not know if I will see an eight pound weight loss in the next month, though.
Not everything I have eaten today has been high in sugar and fat. I have had brown rice, oatmeal, corn, kimchi, beans, oranges, crackers. peanut butter and I have drank plenty of water. I take a multi vitamin. I am taking a calcium and vitamin D tablet. So, I am making healthier choices. I should be giving myself a high five, now that I think about it.
I still have a  lot to learn, though. I will continue to read about the subject of eating healthier. I will continue to lose weight. I am going to do this.

Lose Eight Pounds Day 2

Last night I was within my caloric limits when I found myself hugry again. It was after my run and I was starving. Instead of eating healthy I grabbed two nutty bars from the fridge and ate those. Earler in the day I had two swiss rolls. That is four deserts! I can not keep doing this! Becides, they are not even vegan deserts.

Today I have started the day with a new resolve. One chocolate desert is all I will have. If I crave sugar later on I will reach for fruit. If I get hungry I will reach for something healthy. I had another nutty bar today. However, for breakfast I had oatmeal. I plan on eating healthy vegan items the rest of the day. It is fine. I will not give myself too much of a hard time.

The problem is that I like chocolate and sweets. I tend to reach for chocolate and sweets before I reach for something healthy to eat. When I get hungry I tend to crave desert instead of fruits and vegetables. I am quite embarrassed to talk about it.

I need to focus on snacking on fresh fruits and vegetables when I am hungry. I bought carrots and we have canned vegetables. I have some low sodium v-8 juice still. It is better to reach for those. However, eating a carrot is like having a tooth filled with me. I would rather have my cake and eat it too. It is going to be a big change for me.

My primarily goal today is to snack on something healthy between meals. That way I do not get as hungry and want to binge on sweets. I will try carrots today. I was going to buy hummus to dip them in. However, we did not have the money.

I have to remember to log my run today at the http://www.self.com/ lose eight pounds web page. I also need to do the toning exercises they suggest. I was tired yesterday. I was so tired I could not make a thirty minute run. I stopped at twenty four minutes. Today I have more energy. I should be able to run longer. However, yesterday I could not make myself do the toning moves from the program. I could not make myself do yoga. I was exhausted. Today, it should be easier.

It is the second day of the http://www.self.com/ lose eight pounds program. Allready I am learning more about some of the poor eating habits. I mean that in a good way, By keeping a food log you learn more about how you eat and why you eat then by doing anything else. I think after I am done with the program here in four weeks I will go to http://www.shape.com/ and use their virtual trainer to keep my food and training log. It is easier for me to do it if it is online then in a notebook. If I keep my notes in a notebook I just forget about it.

Hopefully, by the end of next week I will have lost two or three pounds. To lose eight pounds in a month you must lose two pounds per week. That seems a bit extreem to me. That is why I am mainly focusing on how I want to eat and exercise. I want to maitain the weight loss after the program ends.

Now that I have eaten one healthier meal of oatmeal and an orange I feel much more energetic. I like the feeling. Now, I definitly want to eat a healthy lunch so that I still feel energetic all afternoon.

I will be eating three vegan meals and one vegan snack today. I looked over all of the food we have. If I eat small portion sizes I will have enough food to last. It is mostly going to be veggie burgers and brown rice and beans until the first. The brown rice and beans is actually one of my favorite meals. I top it with a serving of vegetables and then add kimchi to it. I love the taste. I started making it back when I was in culinary school and I was hooked. Which is funny. It is beans, brown rice,a vegetable and kimchi. That is all. However, I still love it.

Going Back to School

I just completed my finacial aid forms with the University of Phoenix. I have applied for the Associates in Communications program and I will hopefully be attending online within the next few weeks. I am excited right now. The Associates in Communications looks like fun. In fact, it looks like it is right up my alley.
I applied a few months ago. However, I had the miscariage and I started going through depression. I ended up not applying. I got back into the application process today.
I had to reapply to the school. Then, I worked on my loans through the school. If the aid is available then I am going!

I am going to be starting the orientation class on August 29, 2011. Once again, that is if I have the funding available. After I pass the orientation class I can start my classes.

I have to buy Microsoft Office. I confess that I am not the most technologically savy person. After this program I will be.

I will know next week if I am going or not.

No More Hot dogs!

Here in Spencer they have a yearly event called hot dog days. They offer hot dogs for free and my dad is a big fan of it. He works at Shine Brothers here in town and it gives him something to eat for lunch.
Tonight my sister called me up and says, "Sarah, you better hurry downtown."

"Why?' I asked. "What is going on downtown?"

"Hot dog days!" she answered.

For a moment I could taste the hot dog. I could taste the ketchup, the mustard and the relish. My imagination was having a very nice day dream. Then I remembered-I am going vegan. I CAN NOT touch a hot dog. Like that my imagination stopped working and I felt this deep sadness.

"I am sorry Cassie, I can't!" I told her. Inside I was in mourning.

"One hot dog is not going to hurt you," she told me.

That may be true. However, I still declined. It was very sad. However, it was for the better. I am going vegan starting today. I need to eat healthier so that I can lose the eight pounds through http://www.self.com/ and have a healthy pregnancy. It is for the overall good.

Today was my first test on how seriouse I was about going meat free for the rest of my life. I am kind of surprised that I wanted to eat a hot dog at all. Lately I have been feeling sick when I eat meat. Personally, I wonder if I am going to stick with it. It looks like it is going to be harder then what it first seemed.

Tomarrow, I start taking a calcium and vitamin D suppliment. No more milk or dairy products. I am going to miss milk. However, when I think of the factory farming conditions I know I am doing the right thing. For the good of the cause and the planet! Right?

Wedding Dreams

I am getting excited over my future wedding. I am so excited I want to have it in the next few months. However, I will wait until I have my dress and the reception planned out. I will need to start saving money if I am going to buy a dress. I have included pictures of dress styles I like. I like the ones with the chapel train. I also like the details on the bodice part.

When I have the reception there will be a lot of people there. Ceanne, Roy, Leroy, Shoni-Po, my mom, my dad, my sisters, Mindy, Amy, Joyce, Jay and tons of friends from school will be invited. Josh and I both have friends that we share that will come. That would be Jerry, Chastity and their children. Then there is grandma and grandpa, as we call them. They are not blood relatives. They are our good friends.

Josh will be inviting from his side of the family. I do not know if anybody from Missouri will be coming. However, his dad will. Mike, our good friend will likely be there. Then again, Mike tends to shy away from the romantic stuff. He might run from it all. I plan on inviting L. and K. I will also be inviting K's mom. We still stay in touch through facebook after college. K. and L. allready know that they are invited.

I want to decorate the picnic tables we will use at the park. I want to have a tablecloth with some photos on top. May be some roses, too. We can not afford a DJ so I will just have a CD player there at the reception. I do not think anybody wants to dance any way.

I want to find someone who can make a vegan wedding cake. The problem is I do not know if there is anybody in the area willing to take on the task. I might have to try Sioux City bakeries and give out extra money to have it delivered.

There is going to be tons of food. Most of it will not be vegan items. All of the guests are not vegans. I am the only one. I have to make sure that there is soydogs and veggie burgers for me on the grill.

I do not think there will be drinking until after the reception. I know my mom and dad will celebrate with some lager. I will be pregnant, hopefully. So, there will be none for me.

This is my vision. Put a white tablecloth on the picnic tables. Have the cake in the center of one. Surround it with a couple of vases of red roses. Have a photo frame with a picture of the Josh and I. Or should I say the groom? On one table can be the wedding gifts. On another can be the food. I think it is grand. I think I will have a guest book and make sure I have my camera. I will have to show my mom how to use it.

We Got Food!!

We bought groceries today and I got a few different health items. I bought kimchi, veggie burgers, brown rice, beans, whole grain pasta, carrots, apples and oranges. We had $125.00 to spend. We would have had more. However, Josh bought some model trucks he can put together. I am not complaining. It is not my place. Josh bought the groceries he eats. He bought a few too many cans of spagettios. That is what he likes. I do not judge.
Like I have said, I am starting to go vegan. I will be eating two meals a day that are meat free to start off with. We did not have the money to buy enough groceries for me to go completely vegan. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.

It is not a bad way to start. You start with the basics and then you move up. Any faster I might not succeed.

Dropping Eight Pounds Day One

The drop eight pounds program through http://www.self.com/ starts today. I chose the freestyle plan. It has strength training moves that are yoga inspired. I am supposed to do those at least three times a week. With the cardio they suggest workouts such as dancing and running on the beach. I will primarily be doing dancing and running I have decided. They also have a meal plan that you can follow that is based on a 1600 calorie diet. I will be going vegan today. That is the diet plan I will be following. We will see if I really lose eight pounds.

The big challenge for me is to eat 1,600 calories a day. I am used to eating 1,800 to 2,000 calories a day. Sometimes, depending on my mood I eat more. We shall see how I do when it comes to that aspect.

I will also start the yoga/stretching out program that was suggested to me through http://www.realage.com/. It goes toward burning calories on this plan. I am willing to do it. Josh and I have running around to do today so I will not being doing any yoga here in the morning. In fact, we are leaving here in the next half hour. However, tonight I will start.

They have a nifty water counter in the logging part of the drop eight pounds plan. That is pretty neat. Yesterday I spoke about drinking more water. I guess it will be easier to keep count, now.

 I am excited and I hope I win the big prize. I probably will not. However, I can hope. The big prize in actually a trip to Mexico for two. That would be amazing for Josh and I. It would be romantic. Like I said, I will probably not win. However, I can try.

This blog will help keep me accountable and complete the program. With friends from facebook and all over the internet reading this I better hold myself accoutable! I want to do what I say I will do.

My Real Age-Updated

I went through and I was playing with the real age test on http://www.realage.com/. I put in the changes in my diet and exercise I am about to make. My real age is still 29.7. That is possibly because I adjusted my sunburn option and it took my real age up. I put vegan for my dietery options. I do not know what my HDL, LDL and triglicerides are. I know those will lower as I improve my lifestyle choices. Those were also the main factors that increased my real age.

So, pretty much I need to raise my HDL levels, lower my LDL levels and lower my triglicerides. In the after report the sight suggested I get less sleep. I get over eight hours. I can start working on that tonight. It suggested I eat less processed foods and deserts. Not a problem. I can start that tomarrow too. I can start having fruit instead of cake and pudding.

I was thinking that I should go vegan all at once. I do not want to eat meat anymore because the thought of what I am eating makes me slightly sick. I just do not like eating meat anymore. That way I can start taking my real age down tomarrow. The problem is, will it be too much? Will I mess it up? I am 100 percent sure that I want to be a vegan. I am in it for reasons other then losing weight. I think I will stick with it. I will try it.

The report said my exercise habits are great. I need to incorporate regular strength training and stretching into my exercise routine. It also told me I need to use sunscreen. I can start doing that.

So, sleep less. Lower my BMI and waist size. I need to lower my triglicerides and LDL's. I need to raise my HDL levels. I need to use sunscreen. I need to strength train, stretch out and keep exercising. I need to go vegan. That will help me real age it said. It look deceptivally simple. I am sure it will become easier with time. It is worth fighting for something if you want to bad enough.

The Evening Run Day 1

I ended up having to take another day off yesterday because I was fixing dinner. Tonight was my first run of the week. I ended up doing fourty two minutes with a seven minute cool down. That is not bad. I was stuck at thirty minutes because I recently increased the duration of my running interval. I went from doing one minute of running to two minutes. My endurance had to increase. Today marks the longest day I have done so far.

I find that my body needs to warm up for twenty minutes (I am running at this point) before the work out starts to feel easier. Before twenty minutes I am dragging, my legs feel like dead weight and I huff and puff. After twenty minutes it becomes easier. I can run a bit faster and the two minutes does not seem like an eternity. I have no idea why that is. I just accept it.

I was up one pound when I weighed myself last. I had not eaten anything that day. So, I suppose it was acurate. I was pissed off about it. I have worked my rear end off trying to lose it and I went up one pound. Why?
I was in the doctors office that day and I was pacing back and forth thinking, "Just calm down. It is only one pound. It is not that big of a deal."

It was a big deal to me. However, I do not think it such a big deal in the long run. Like I said, it was just a pound. My endurance is increasing. I am starting to notice a difference in how my clothes feel. In fact, I look a tiny bit slimmer through the mid section. My sister Cassie calls it my doughiness. Well, give it six months and there will not be much dough there. Ha!

I Am Not Drinking Enough Water...

From what I have read recently, you should have eight to ten glasses of water a day. More is needed if you work out. I am calling myself out on this fact. I am not drinking enough water. I run, tone and I am working on a daily yoga practice. I need more water. Right now I have been drinking may be six glasses a day. That is not enough.
I might as well get used to the fact because during pregnancy the daily amount of water that is required goes up to twelve cups. I plan on exercising through my pregnancy. It will most likely go up for me.
So, for my first dietery overhall I will be drinking more water. I have no idea how I will fit it in me. I will most likely be in the bathroom most of the time. Well, I want to get pregnant. I MIGHT want to become used to living in  the bathroom.
So, no more dehydration. Hello, aqua. I am starting on this tonight. I think I might have six more cups to go. It is going to be a LONG night. Oh well. For the good of the cause, then.

One More Month..

The book I have been reading has said you should wait one month after having a vaccination to TRY and become pregnant. I also am reasonably sure it is rubella I need because I remember Dr.B mentioning it was safe after the first trimester. Rubella is safe to get after the first trimester if you are pregnant. Allthough, it is better to have it before pregnancy. I will have it before I get pregnant.

I have to wait one month afterwards to stop all contreception. That is fine with Josh and I. We can wait. We have waited this long to heal from the miscariage. We can wait a few more months.

In fact, waiting one month to stop all contraception is for the better. That way I can start prenatals and I can start getting the correct nutrition that my body and my growing baby will need.

So, in October we can cut out whatever we are using. Hopefully within seven months I will be pregnant again. I will also have lost weight and started on my vegan lifestyle change. I look foreward to it. A healthy mommy is a healthy baby.

There is one more thing I need to get checked out within the next month. I need to go see my dentist. It is importent for the health of your baby as well that you have good teeth. By that mean no peridontal or gum disease. It affects the pregnancy and birth from what I have read. I am due to get my teeth cleaned anyway.

I Need to Update my Vaccinations

In my last pregnancy I found out from my doctor that I needed to get updated on a vaccination. I think it may have been rubella that I need to have. I am not for sure. Rubella seems familier. However, it was five months ago and I do not have the slightest clue what it was called. For right now, I will just say the Rubella vaccination. I had no idea I had to be updated and when I found out it was a bit of a shock. My doctor said that it was safe to get during pregnancy. However, I miscaried before I could get it. Now that we are trying again I want to have the vaccination before I get pregnant.

I called the doctors office today to make an appointment with Dr. B at the clinic in Sheldon, Iowa. Since we live a few towns away I want to go on a day that either Josh or I get paid. So, I was scheduled for the first of next month. That way Josh and I will both be paid on that day.

I do not know what to expect with a vaccination. It has been a while since I have gotton one. I think the last shot I had to prevent an illness was to prevent TB. That was two years ago. I would rather be updated for the vaccinations I need now because I do not want to take any chances. Allthough Dr. B told me it was safe, I want to make sure. There is too much speculation. Becides, in the book I was reading it said to have the Rubella vaccination before you get pregnant. I think it is for the best.

The truth is I do not even know what Rubella is. I have heard of it. I should google it and read up about it. There is too much I do not know about pregnancy in general. I think I will be taking the time to read about it a bit more. I want to be prepared for this. There is nothing wrong with a little naivete. Too much just makes you a fool. I am no fool.

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So, I googled rubella. See, I knew I needed to know this and get the vaccination before I was pregnant. I am a little too nieve about pregnancy. I need to read from pregnancy manuals starting today. I have one in the house right now. The 'What to Expect When Your Expecting' is at the other house. I can stop by Everly and pick it up tomarrow. Now, I have read from the books. This time I want to pick it up and read it front to back so I know everything. So, I am no fool. I only need to read the books I have again. I might have missed a few things.

Picking Out the Wedding Dress

To those who may not know, I am actually engaged to be married to my beau, Josh. He proposed this past July 4 holiday while we were at the firework display. My future husband is a true romantic. He even asked my dad for my hand in marriage. We have set the date for Thursday, June 21, 2012.

Today I found myself googling wedding dresses. I want to wear a dress made by Vera Wang. I want one with a chapel train. I want a gown in white too. We are planning to have a justice of the peace marry us. We can not afford a wedding inside a church. Becides, I am a Wiccan and I do not want to be married in a church. I would rather have a handfasting. Josh is Christian, though. We both agreed to sign the marriage license and then have the justice of peace say a few words. Afterwards we are having a reception at a park in Everly.

No, I do not need a wedding dress for all of that. However, I do want one and I plan on wearing one. I think it is romantic. Yes, I am only being married once. Yes, I know a dress is expensive. However, it is a special day and I want to be all gussied up for it. I want my hair done with flowers in it and everything.

 I really want to wear one designed by Vera Wang. She has gorgouse wedding dresses. Besides, I plan on having a wedding potrait taken. I want to look my best. However, I may have to go with a different designer because I will most likely by pregnant. I have to wear something to accomidate a growing figure.

I was looking at a few dresses through http://www.houseofbrides.com/. There are a few dresses that I liked. Just a few? More like a few too many. I am only getting married once! I can not have twenty seven dresses! There was one designer I liked. Her name is Christina Wu. She has pretty gowns. I might buy one of hers because she has bigger sizes.

Of course, some of Josh's side of the family have spoken out about us having children before we are married. They said, "I guess we are just old fashioned."

Well, it is the new millenium. And, by the way, people have been getting pregnant before marriage since sex or making love was first discovered. That is a long time. Marriage probably was not even invented. They need to get over it. It is our choise. We are married next year, anyway.

So far the wedding plans go like this: Josh and I will meet the justice of the peace with a few friends and family there. Around noon is when the big reception is. I have a few people who I will invite. Friends from college and old family friends are all coming. My mom, who now is seperated from my dad, lives in Des Moines. She has allready said she is coming. This March or April I am sending invitations out to everybody I can think of. Josh will be inviting people on his end of the family. I wonder who is going to show up? The old fashioned types should be relieved.

The reception will be at Sharnberg Park. We will have tons of food. It pretty much is going to be a relaxed cook out. I am going to have a wedding cake. I prefer that it is a vegan wedding cake. There will be no DJ. Just friends and family. We will have a radio or CD player to play music. I will have to make sure there are vegan items for me. Such as soydogs and bean burgers. Nobody else in vegan in my family. Most of my friends eat meat too. I am the only one. Hopefully, I am the first. May be when everybody had the cake they will all be hooked.

My Kripalu Yoga Practice

I have a book on Kripalu Yoga that I recently picked up again. I think it was meant to find its way into my hands. Naturally, since I am starting a daily yoga practice I have been reading it. So far I like what I have read. Kripalu Yoga is a practice that starts you off focusing on your body awareness and breathing. It then progresses to the poses. It focuses on you and what you need on the mat and it helps you work through difficult emotions on the mat. Like I said, I like the focus of Kripalu Yoga.

I am only up to the first chapter. I want to read the complete book before I start my yoga practice. So, I am not practicing yet. I am still in the process of reserching what I will be devoting myself to. It says in the book that just by focusing on your breath and awareness you are doing something good for yourself. That is what I will be doing today, then. I will be practicing my breath and body awareness.

The book I am reading is called 'Kripalu Yoga A Guide to Practice On and Off the Mat' by Richard Faulds and other senior teachers of Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. I will be using this book to start a Kripalu practice starting by practicing my breath and body awareness. That means being present in the moment, something I have been trying to practice daily. Mindfullness is part of my Wiccan and Buddhist spriritual path. For the Wiccan path mindfullness helps with spellwork. For the Buddhist path it helps you to be happy with what you have.

 I have been practicig mindfullness to help with the depression I go through. It is not easy to be mindful when you have a chemical imbalance that tells you that you are unhappy. However, you practice meditation and you practice living in the moment. Over time it becomes easier, from what I have been told. As with all things, practice makes perfect.

I have had depression for nearly six years. That is every since I was hit by one of my ex boyfriends. One day I woke up and the world was grey. Only, I did not know why it was grey and meaningless. I went through a time where I wanted to commit sucide. I did not. My will to live was too strong. I went through the sudden crying spells and the not being able to sleep. I still have nightmares where I wake up cold and shaking because of the events that caused the depression. They were traumatic.

Today, I stand here as a person making a life for herself. I am on an anti depressent called zoloft. Other then that I use my running and meditation as tools to help ease the pain.

Being depressed does not mean that you can not have a child. Depression is an every day struggle. However, it does not mean you should hold off on being a parent forever. You need to make sure it is treated because studies have shown that mother's who are pregant and depressed are more likely to have a child that goes through depression. You need medications and you need your coping skills. Yoga has been shown in studies to lower seasonal depression. If it works for season depression I am sure it can help with clinical depression.

It is because of that study I am starting a daily yoga practice. I am using yoga as a tool to help me through my pregnancy and depression. I am going to need help with both. I have practiced poses off and on for a few years. Now, I am ready to start a daily practice.

What's My Age Again?

On one of my previouse blogs I spoke about the web sight http://www.realage.com/. It is a web sight where you take a test that is based on your lifestyle and health choices. In the end it tells you your real age, health wise. I have been on the sight and taken the test. My real age is 29.7 years old. So, I have some work to do.

I want to live long to see my children grow up and have children of their own. So, I started reading 'You Living Longer The Guide to Extending Your Warrenty.' It is a great book. I am actually rereading it at this point and time. I am taking the advise given so that I may extend my warrenty.

I am going to make slow and gradual changes. I will not be making a few dozen right off the bat. I am starting with the first chapter and working my way up. Right now I have started with meditation, changing my diet, exercise, and I am starting a daily yoga practice. I am also stopping to take naps during the noon hour. I am a writer. I am afforded that luxery. I am taking the time to practice French and Spanish so that I may learn both languages fluently.

In another month I will add a few more changes from there. When I first started out on this journey of health improvement I started too many things at once. I am keeping notes of what I read in the book and I will refer to them when I need to. That way, the changes I make to slow the aging process and take controle of my health do not fold in on themselves. They stick around and become a permanent aspect of my everyday life. They will not be fleeting and leave me in a day, either.

So these are the changes I am slowly integrating into my life.

1. Meditation twice daily. In the morning I will chant on my Japas Malas. In the evening I will focus on my breath for 10 minutes.

2. I will run five day a week and walk the remaining days of the week.

3. I will start strength training four times a week.

4.I will start a daily yoga practice.

5. I will try and take a nap during the afternoon.

6.I will start making slow and gradual healthy changes to my diet. In fact, they will be vegan. The first two meals I am starting with are breakfast and lunch.

7. I will continue to practice French and Spanish everyday.

That is what I will practice for the next few months before I move on. Whenever possible, I will refer back to this list or my notes from the book. That way I stay on top of the changes I am making. That way, Goddess willing, I will be here for my children when they grow up.

Today and Tomarrow

I am going running today and tomarrow. I will most likely be going running the rest of this week. My goal is to run for thirty six minutes and cool down for ten minutes. I plan on doing toning exercises, pushups and kettle bell training for three more days this week. Not quite doing yoga everyday, yet. I will try to start doing twenty minutes tonight. Then tomarrow I will start yoga twice a day.
On Thursday we are buying some fresh fruits and vegetables. Hummus, soy products and almond milk is what we are buying as well. I start going vegan on Thursday. In six months I should look great. In know how quickly I lose it when I eat healthy and I exercise. It just comes off. Which is nice.
I will be doing this the right way, by the way. No extreme dieting. I do not agree with it. I just plan on eating healthy and working out for an hour everyday. Extreme diets do not work. I am going vegan because I agree with the view point. I am running because it feels good.
That covers the rest of this week. Those are my plans.

Run Your But Off Blog Week One

I am up to two minutes of running with four miutes of walking. I do those intervals six or seven times. The running program I am completing is featured in the book 'Run Your But Off' by Runner's World. I have been doing this for three months. The book says to take as long as you need to get your endurance up and increase the duration of your run. I started with walking. Then I did thirty seconds of running. Then I did a minute. Now, I am up to two minutes. I started on the two minute runs three days ago.

Yesterday was a day of rest for me. You give your muscles a day of rest and you do something else. Today, I am picking the running back up. I go at 8:00 in the evening on most days. If it rains then I do not go. I only have one pair of shoes.

The purpose of this book if to gradually help you run and to help you lose weight. It helps you increase your endurance from walking to running straight for thirty minutes. I like the book. It has a foreward by Amby Burfoot that is interesting.

I have recently just started keeping the food log that is mentioned in the book. I am not a healthy eater. Allthough, over the past few months I have made some healthy changes. That is something else that will be changing over the next six months.

I have started keeping a training journal as well. They say you keep yourself more accountable if you keep a training journal. That is what I am doing.

I do not like the food ,though. In fact, I hate it. I have to sit there and remind myself of the fact that I eat unhealthy. I am a perfectionist and if everything is not perfect I feel rotton. The training journal is great. I am active and I have something worthy to put in it. The food log..I need to work on it.

Birthing Coach or No?

I have made decisions as to what I want when it comes time to giving birth. Not that I am pregnant, yet. The simple fact is I made these decisions in my last pregnancy.

I want a natural child birth as long as everything is good during my pregnancy. I do not want the epidural. I want to have a birthing coach present at the time too. I do not have anyone picked out. However, my friend just gave birth and she used a birthing coach. I might find out who it is and ask if she is available to help me. Once again, that is when and if the times come. I could always have another miscariage. I pray that I do not though.

I wanted to have a birth where I was in the squating position. Yes, I want to have that natural of a childbirth. I do not like the idea of a water birth or any of the other birthing choices. However, I have a feeling I will end up giving birth laying down on the table. Well, that is the way it goes.

Going Vegan!

I am going vegan. Starting this Thursday I am starting to introduce gradual changes into my diet that will be vegan substitutes. The reason I am doing this is because I do not agree with factory farming and cruelty to animals. I have always been a meat eater. However, when I was a little girl I was always saving abandoned kittens, baby birds and birds with broken wings. About a year ago, I started becoming more interested in vegetarianism. I stumbled upon veganism and its health benefits a few months ago and it interested me even more. I looked into the vegan cause and I learned about factory farming and it shocked me. No, it disgusted me. For the first time, I realised where my hamburgers and pork chops came from. I hated it.

So, I have always been the compassionate animal lover. Now, I am making the gradual changes towards becoming the compassionate vegan animal lover. Josh will never go vegan. I am OK with that because it is a lifestyle that is difficult to live if your heart is not in it. I accept Josh unconditionaly too. It does not matter to me if he is vegan or not.

Anyway, I am starting with breakfast and lunch. I will be making them vegan. I will be buying almond milk and orange juice fortified with vitamin D. I have soy burgers, soyrizo, beans, tempeh, and veggie slices on the list. That will be enough to last for two weeks. I have put down fresh fruits and vegetables on the list because I need to start eating fresh fruits and vegetables.

That is the plan so far. I will make the change slow and gradual so that I stick with it. I will still have to make Josh lunch and supper because he likes me to do it. So, I will still be cooking with meat. However, for me, my shoes, my clothes and the food I eat will be animal free. For the good of the planet and for the good of all furry creatures. Most of all for my health.

Why I Need Meditation

Something I did not mention in my first post is that I am schizzoaffective, bipolar nos, and I have clinical depression. I was diagnosed with schizzoaffective in July of 2009. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was nine years old. Yes, it has been a long history for me.

I have tried starting a meditation practice. I am Buddhist and a Wiccan, so it is importent to me to have a meditation practice. It is also importent for my sanity. Meditation blocks something in the brain that causes pain, including painful emotions. It helps me deal with the clinical depression. It helps me overcome it. That and running helps.

I want to do more with my meditation practice. Getting pregnant, then having the child, and being bipolar and scizzoaffective is very difficult. The post partum can be terrible to handle. I want to get a handle on it now. That, the running and the other lifestyle changes I am currently making should help during that time.

In the mornings I am going to chant on my japa malas. My mantra is Om Shakti. In the evening I am going to sit for five to ten minutes to start off with. I will focus on my breathing. Gradually over time, I will work up to thirty minutes in the evening. Then, I will start a meditation practice three times a day.

I have been meditating before I go to sleep. I focus on my breath and then I am out. I would like to be more aware and not fall asleep. It seems counter productive to fall asleep.

So, starting tonight, I will focus on my breath for five to ten minutes while sitting up. Tomarrow, as soon as I get up I will chant on my japas malas. I will start doing this everyday.

Fitness Programs

I have two fitness programs I have recently joined. On http://www.self.com/ they have a program to help you lose eight pounds that I will be participating in. It starts August 18, 2011. That is three days from now. I am also using to book 'Run Your But Off,' which is released through Runner's World. I am up to two minutes of running with four minutes of walking. That is two minutes of running every six minutes. I do those intervals for thirty to thirty six minutes because I have just increased my intensity. The duration of my run is naturally a little slower and a little less longer.
Basiclly, I am training my body to run and I am picking up a new sport. I am not just doing this to lose the weight. That is a nice side benefit. I am running because I enjoy it. I want to go every day, I like it that much.
That is why I have stuck with it.
Performance wise, I am running faster then what I was. Body wise, I am starting to see the benefits. My sides and belly are slimming down. My legs are stronger and more muscular. I am ready to start weight training and to start crosstraining.
For crosstraining I have added dance to my workouts. I just started toning my body today. I am using a kettlebell and my own body weight. I used a fitness workout from http://www.shape.com/ to tone today. It was the moves Natalie Portman used to get her ballerina's body in the Black Swan. You can look it up, if you want. I do not have the link off hand. I will post it later.
Anyway, that is where I am starting on this journey. I am also adding a daily yoga practice starting with just twenty minutes twice a day. I will be starting that tomarrow. 

First Post..Getting Ready!

This is me and what I look like presently.

This is me doing yoga with Taser, a family pet, on my lap.

This is my beau, Josh. He will be dad.

My name is Sarah and I am trying to get pregnant. No, that is not what this blog will be about. It is about me getting in shape before, during and after my pregnancy. I have no intention of speaking about the process of getting pregnant. I will be talking about exercise, running, meditation, yoga, strength training and eating right in this blog. My purpose is too keep me motivated and share my progress with others.

Personally, I am a writer who is working on her writing skills and trying to write her first book. I am actually a bit overweight. I am 191 pounds. I have been running, though, for three months and I have actually lost weight over the past four months.

I was pregnant back in April. However, I had a miscarriage. It was hard on me. In fact, it has still been hard. I recently had a friend who had a child and I went to see the baby in the hospital. When I was walking home that day, I started bawling. I came into the house and Josh, my beau, knew instantly something had upset me. It was then I said, "I want to try again."

Here is the rub. I want to be in as great physical condition as possible before I get pregnant. I am not waiting and I figure I have six months because I have been on depo. I want to try and lose as much wait as possible and get in the best shape as I can. That involves changing some ugly habits, like how I eat.

I am new to running. I am have just started on the nutritional aspects of losing weight. This Thursday we are buying groceries and I am buying frsh fruit, vegetables and low sodium v-8 juice. I am buying soy products and lean meat. In the next six months I expect to see tons of change in my weight. I expect to lose because I am going to eat healthier.

I am also buying prenatals. Prenatals contain the right amount of vitamins and minerals. That way when I do get pregnant I am allready taking them.

I plan on continuing to run, lift weights and do yoga when I do get pregnant. A healthy pregnancy makes for a faster recovery and easier delivery. This is about me getting healthy and staying healthy before and during pregnancy.